How to Build Your Child’s Identity Through Encouragement (Gospel-Centered Parenting)

Your child is constantly discovering who they are.
Not just from what they experience in the world, but from the voices they hear most often—especially yours.

As parents, we have an incredible opportunity (and responsibility) to shape our children's identity through the words we speak and the encouragement we offer.
Because if we don't intentionally build their identity on truth, the world will gladly build it on lies.

Let’s talk about why encouragement matters so much—and how you can start today.

Watch on YouTube or listen on Raising Faithful Families podcast.

Why Encouragement Matters for Identity Formation

At their core, kids are always asking:

• “Am I enough?”

• “Do I matter?”

• “Am I loved for who I am?”

The way we speak to them—what we say and how we say it—answers these questions, sometimes without us even realizing it.

Ephesians 2:10 reminds us:

"For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Your child is God’s workmanship.
They were made on purpose and for a purpose.
And through intentional encouragement, you get to affirm that God-given truth in their life.

Encouragement isn’t about flattery.
It’s about recognizing real strengths, real growth, and real glimpses of God’s design in them—and naming it.

Practical Ways to Build Identity Through Encouragement

1. Affirm WHO They Are, Not Just What They Do

Instead of focusing only on achievements (“You got an A!”), focus on character:

• "You worked so hard even when it was difficult."

• "You were so kind to your sister today. That’s who you are—kind and thoughtful."

Success fades.
Looks change.
But a character rooted in God’s truth stands firm.

2. Connect Encouragement to Their God-Given Purpose

When you notice strengths, connect them to God's greater story:

• "God gave you such a creative mind—you can use that to bring His beauty into the world."

• "Your compassion is a gift from God to help people feel His love."

Seemingly simple comments like this help kids tie their everyday lives back to God’s bigger plan.

3. Model Identity Security Yourself

Children learn not just from what we say to them, but what we say about ourselves.

When you:

• Speak life over yourself

• Acknowledge strengths with humility

• Stay rooted in God's view of you

You’re teaching your kids to do the same.

You don't need to be perfect—but you can model what it looks like to walk confidently in your God-given identity.

Why This Approach Matters (Gospel-Centered Parenting)

Parenting experts like Paul David Tripp remind us:
Parenting isn’t just about behavior correction—it’s heart formation.

When we root our children's identity in God’s love, grace, and purpose, we're giving them tools to withstand the storms of life.

Jesus constantly reminded His followers who they were before instructing them on what to do:

• "You are the salt of the earth."

• "You are the light of the world."

Identity shapes behavior—not the other way around.

Phrases That Help Build Strong Identity

Here are a few examples you can start using right away:
✨ "God made you wonderfully unique."
✨ "You are deeply loved, no matter what."
✨ "You have a special purpose in God’s story."
✨ "I'm proud of who you are, not just what you do."

Every word you speak over your child is a seed—and seeds grow.

Final Encouragement

Friend, you don’t have to get it right 100% of the time.
God’s grace covers our gaps.

But every time you choose to speak life—
every time you call out God’s truth over your child—
you’re partnering with the Holy Spirit to raise a child who knows who they are in Christ.

That’s powerful parenting.
And you’re doing holy work, even in the small conversations that no one else sees.

Free 5-Day Challenge to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

If you want to build a more connected, peaceful home where encouragement flows naturally,
I'd love to invite you to my FREE 5-Day Challenge: Stop Yelling at Your Kids.

You'll learn how to:
✔️ Stay calm even when parenting feels overwhelming
✔️ Root your parenting in grace, not guilt
✔️ Speak life consistently over your kids

✨ [https://www.covenantcollections.com/5day]
Let’s build homes where encouragement wins!

Author

Katy Bordeaux is a Certified Parenting & Family Coach and the founder of both Covenant Collections and Kingdom Purpose Moms. Passionate about guiding families to thrive, Katy combines biblical wisdom with practical parenting strategies to help parents build strong, faith-filled homes. Connect with her for more resources and support on your parenting journey.

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