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[00:00:00] So I used to ask myself all the time, how do I become a better parent? And I'm just very like self-development, self-awareness, and improvement type of minded. So that's something that I still ask myself and I'm always going to ask myself. But I also would, since my son has been two years old, have asked him how could I be a better mom?
And of course, when your kids are really little, they're so sweet and they're gonna tell you that you're the best mom in the world and there's nothing you can do better. But if you ask a few more probing questions and you just get really curious and you word it a few different ways, you can often get your children to tell you something that they would like for you to do differently.
And just like when you're the leader of a team or a company, you can't always change something. But when you understand the way that someone is thinking about it. You can often explain it in a better way. So here's why I do things that way. I could actually adjust [00:01:00] that a little bit. Here's what I'll try moving forward, things like that.
But work with your children to try to figure out how you can be the best parent to them. Also work with God to figure out how you can be the best parent to them, and always be willing to self-reflect and understand that. You're never gonna be perfect, but there's always things that we could do better in any area of life.
So I was always looking for the right plan, the right tools, the right words to use. And over time I realized that maybe I was asking the wrong question, I. And the real question is, how do I walk more closely with Jesus? Because that walk changes everything. If you live your life in a way that says, how can I be more like Jesus?
You're gonna do better in every single area of your life. If you've ever felt like you're doing all the things, you're reading the books, you're trying the strategies. You're still just worn down or unsure. This episode is going to be really encouraging for you. [00:02:00] Hi, friend. Welcome back to Raising Faithful Families.
I'm your host, Katy Bordeaux, and I am so thankful that you're here. Today's conversation is of course very close to my heart and it's something that I wish I could sit across from you and share a glass of coffee and just talk about. How as parents, we love our families so much, and we want to do the right thing by them because I've learned that your parenting will always flow out of your personal relationship with Christ, not your parenting knowledge, not even the best behavioral strategies, and not even your best intentions.
That's kind of the hardest one to swallow, but your relationship with Jesus, the time that you spend with him, the posture of your heart. The fruit of the spirit that's in you. That's what truly shapes you as a parent. And today I just wanna share why that matters, how it's changed things for me, and how it can absolutely change things for you too.
So let's talk about [00:03:00] something. Many of us, we were raised in these homes that taught us about God. But didn't necessarily show us what it looked like to walk with God and the ways that your life should be different when you do. And while I'm very thankful for the foundation of faith, and I'm sure you are too, I know how easy it is to slip into parenting from religion or living from religion instead of from relationship.
So what do I mean by that? Parenting from religion might sound like. God wants you to behave. If you want God to be proud of you, you need to do the right things. You need to obey or you will disappoint God. The Bible says you must obey your parents. You just need to do better. It often brings shame, pressure, or just a constant striving to earn God's love or to be good enough, and that's something that none of us can do.
Not a single one of us deserves God's love and mercy, but parenting from [00:04:00] relationship that looks completely different. It's saying God loves you even when you mess up. God's grace covers this moment, and I have grace for you as well. God has grace for me. Let's walk through this together. You are never alone.
You have me and you have God. When you truly know him, when you experience his kindness, his patience, his gentleness, that's what will flow out of you into your family. It will never mean that you're perfect, but it can mean that you parent from a police of love that feels like love, not like legalism, not like control, but like connection.
In John 15, five, Jesus says, I am the vine. You are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit Apart from me, you can do nothing. That verse is so humbling and it should be because friend, if I'm honest, there's been seasons where I'm [00:05:00] trying to bear fruit without staying connected to the vine and I'm doing everything within my power.
And it's not until you fight that way through life and you fail that you realize there was no point in trying to work and strive towards things in that way in the first place. And what does that fruit look like? Galatians five tells us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
That's the type of person I want to be. That's the type of parent I definitely want to be, and it's not something that I can just force into existence. It's fruit. It's not even something that you can just pray for. It comes. You change who you are inside. You change your heart. God changes your heart. You constantly work on yourself, and the fruit is what comes from that.
You cannot force the fruit out of nothing. Fruit grows when you are rooted and connected to Jesus. So here's something [00:06:00] that may help you shift things a bit. Your children are learning who God is by how you live, not just by what you teach, not just by what stories from the Bible you share with them. It's how you respond when you're frustrated.
It's how you repair relationships after you've lost your cool. It's how you show up even when no one's watching. That realization might make you feel a little panicked. They're gonna see all of your mess. They're gonna see that you're imperfect. But it can also motivate you to walk more closely with Jesus to see more of that fruit in your life.
Because the closer you are to him, the more peace you get to have. The more grace you get to show and the more rooted you will feel even when life and parenting is hard, if you've ever felt like you just don't know what you're doing or you want to be more patient, but you're still struggling, you want your kids to grow up loving God, but you don't exactly feel like you're modeling that right.
I want you to [00:07:00] hear that you don't need a perfect parenting formula. You need the presence of God. So instead of thinking, what do I say when my child talks back? Try to ask the Lord to help you reflect his patience and his wisdom in that moment instead of searching for the perfect routine, pray for God to help you create rhythms in your home that make space for him that makes space for peace and presence in your family.
You cannot give your child what you are not receiving, but you can receive it right now just by inviting Jesus into your life and your family into every ordinary, messy, beautiful moment. A few practical ways that this can play out in your home is to pray before you respond, even if it's just something like Jesus.
Or Holy Spirit help lead my response in this moment. Those words are very powerful. Read scripture for yourself, not just for your kids, and let God speak to you. Your heart matters just as much, and you do not have to [00:08:00] sit and think, what is this trying to tell me? What is this trying to tell me? If there is a message in that for you, God will reveal that to you.
You just have to pray. Model repentance. When you mess up, apologize. Show your child what humility and grace and normal human life look like. Start your day with God, even if it's not perfect, even if it's a verse on a sticky note, a worship song that you listen to while you wash dishes or pack lunches. It all matters, and of course, ask the Holy Spirit to help you see your child the way that God does.
This one is big and it shifts so much. If emotional regulation is something you're working on, I've been there too, and I have a resource that's helped hundreds of parents so far Lead with peace. Instead of reacting from stress, it's the free five day challenge to stop yelling at your kids and inside you'll discover practical tools to manage your emotions.
Biblical encouragement to stay calm under pressure and real life strategies [00:09:00] to build connection instead of chaos. It's short, it's simple, and it's totally free. You can join today at www.covenantcollections.com/five day, and that's a number five. I will also link it in the notes. Friend. You just have to be present with Jesus.
And as you draw near to him, he will shape you as a whole, as a parent, as a mom, as a dad, as a grandmother. He will renew your mind. He will guide your words. He will help you love your kids the way that he loves you. You're not parenting alone, so let go of the pressure to do it. All right? And just start with Holy Spirit lead me because when he leads, everything changes.
Thank you for joining me today on Raising Faithful Families. If this episode encouraged you, please take a second to subscribe, leave a review, share it with a friend, and if you're ready to grow in faith, peace, and purpose, join us inside the Calm and Confident Club. It's a Christ-centered community designed to support you every step [00:10:00] of the way.
You can learn [email protected] slash club and I'll also link that for you in the notes. Until next time, God bless.
