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[00:00:00] Have you ever watched your child standing alone on the playground, not picked for the group project, or they come home quiet after not being invited to a birthday party? If your heart has ever ached alongside your child's, you're not alone in this feeling left out is something every child will face in some way throughout their lives, and it's one of the most tender parenting moments that we experience.
Because we want to protect their hearts, but we also know that we can't always control the world around them. But there is a beautiful truth in this because when your child's identity is rooted in Christ, even the sting of rejection can become a moment of learning and growth for them. So today we're talking about how to help your child find true belonging, not in popularity, not in peer approval.
But in the never changing, always loving arms of Jesus. Welcome back to Raising Faithful Families. I'm your host, Katy Bordeaux. I'm so glad you're here, whether you're on the podcast or on [00:01:00] YouTube, and if you're on YouTube watching this video, I have. I. Learn from my mistakes and open the blinds so that you don't have to look at the light spliced across my face through the blinds.
The whole video, like the last one, I don't see that happening 'cause I check the lighting before I start recording and then I put something up in front of it so that I'm not just sitting here staring at myself the whole time I'm recording. Um, so anyway, that will not happen from now on. I wanna have this conversation today about.
This moment because it's a hard moment and many of us parents are going to face it. It's the moment when your child feels left out, whether it's on the playground, whether it's in the classroom, even if it's friend groups at church exclusion hurts. I've seen a lot of parents that come to me and they. One of their biggest concerns is that like grandparents or other family members, aunts and uncles seem to favor certain children and how badly it hurts their kids, or their kids haven't even noticed it, but they're worried about how it could affect them [00:02:00] long term.
Our instinct is always to protect, to fix, to find a solution. But one light bulb moment that I've come back to time and time again is you cannot shield your child from every disappointment. You can equip them to face it with faith and security and a deep sense of who they are in Christ. That's what today is all about.
I actually just recently saw a quote again that I have seen in the past and I love it. It is very encouraging for moments when we just wanna put our kids in a bubble and give them the best possible lives, which obviously we can still try to give them the best possible lives, but. We cannot protect our children from their testimony.
We cannot make them have the most perfect life every day, forever, as much as we wish we could, what they're going through could very well be their testimony and what draws them into the arms of Jesus. But we are all wired for connection. So being left out hurts their brain and their body may register [00:03:00] that like it's a real threat, not just social.
It can actually trigger a deep emotional response that can be tied to their worth and belonging. And if we don't step into help them anchor their identity in Christ, they can start searching for it in all the wrong places, like social media, likes, peer approval, academic or extracurricular success.
Trying to change themselves to fit in. That's why rejection hurts and why it matters that we build our, we we help our kids build a stronger foundation than the one that they could find through what the world offers. I am personally super grateful that my son is naturally outgoing and confident. He has no problem putting himself out there.
He makes friends so quickly. He's almost six years old, and he's often the one that invites others to join in. It's truly such a joy to watch and it's such a gift in his life, but that was not me as a kid. I was quiet, [00:04:00] I was reserved. I was hesitant to jump into groups or introduce myself. I'm still an introvert, so it's still like I have to put myself out of my comfort zone to speak to people that I don't know.
I would stand and wait for someone to notice or invite me in, and even if it wasn't intentional that I was being left out, it hurt because. Mostly, it made me feel embarrassed and I still get embarrassed easily and hate how that feels, but. Typically, if you're a kid like that, you get sort of adopted by an extroverted classmate, or you have a thoughtful teacher that notices and helps bridge the gap, and then they introduce you to other people and they introduce you to other people, and you become friendly and make more friends over time because somebody noticed you and invited you in.
And while those connections are so valuable. I eventually realized that I couldn't rely on that and I had to figure out why I felt so embarrassed or sad by not being invited [00:05:00] or not being perceived in the way that I wanted to be, which for me, it turned out to be a lack of self-love and self-confidence that I was able to work on and heal over time.
And that's something that we can help nurture within our own kids, that they are loved and seen and secure because of who God says they are. That it does not depend in any way whatsoever on how they're treated by others. So my encouragement to you is this, take time to learn your child. Watch how they move through the world.
Notice where they thrive and where they struggle. And from that place of understanding, help them build confidence from the inside out. Because the more secure they are in who they are, the less power rejection will have over them. The more freedom they'll have to show up in the world with peace and courage and compassion.
Something I often share with parents is. If someone called you dumb today and you knew you weren't, you probably wouldn't be rattled at all. You'd [00:06:00] just roll your eyes, brush it off, because it holds no weight. That is being self-assured. That's self-assurance. It's not being proud or stubborn. It's being so secure in your identity that someone else's words cannot define your worth.
Think about this in the mind of a child, if they're already unsure about themselves, if they've tied their value to how others treat them, even a small comment or a moment of exclusion can shake their core because they don't have that sense of security yet. That's why our job is to help them separate their circumstances from their identity.
Some people might leave them out, some people might be unkind, but that will never change who they are or how loved they are. So let's remind our children and maybe ourselves to what God says about us. Psalm 1 39 verse 14 says, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. This means that you were created on purpose with care and intention.[00:07:00]
There's nothing accidental or average about you. That is one of my son's daily affirmations. We say it every single morning. Ephesians one, verse five, God decided in advance to adopt us into his family. This means you belong. You are wanted, chosen, and fully part of God's family. Not by accident, but by his design.
John 15, verse 15. I no longer call you servants. I call you friends. You are not just somebody who obeys God. You are invited into friendship with him. He wants a close relationship with you. These verses are what we can use for identity anchors when your child begins to truly believe that these statements, these scriptures are truth.
Their confidence won't rise and fall based on who invites them to sit next to them or who invites them to play, or who includes them in a group text. It will be rooted in something that's far more secure and unchanging. [00:08:00] The unwavering love and truth of God. You know your child best, so you can probably read the room and understand how to best walk them through a moment like this.
But if you're looking for some guidance. If your child shares that they've been left out, start by acknowledging their feelings with warmth and empathy. That really hurts, doesn't it? I'm so sorry that happened. I know how hard it is to feel left out. Gently offer your perspective. When they're ready, say it's okay to feel hurt and to know that this moment still doesn't define you.
Both things can be true. It's a powerful opportunity to help your child understand emotional balance. That we can feel disappointment without letting it touch our sense of identity. You might also say sometimes people leave others out on purpose and that says more about them than it does about you. But other times people don't even realize what they're doing.
It doesn't always mean that they don't like you or they don't care about you. Sometimes they just don't even realize. Help them [00:09:00] resist the urge to fill in the blanks with worst case scenarios or make assumptions about others. While still validating how very real their experience was, most of all remind them that no matter what others say or do, you're there for them and God is there for them.
They're loved, they're seen, and they're never alone. These conversations don't just comfort in the moment. They equip your child with the resilience and security that they'll need again and again In the years to come, one of the most healing responses to rejection is to turn pain into purpose. As parents, we can guide our kids in doing just that.
When your child has felt left out, it can be tempting to focus only on helping them feel better. But don't forget that it's a meaningful opportunity to grow their heart, to use their experience to help grow compassion in them. This might look like telling them, you know, now what it feels like to be left out and how hard of a feeling that is, but [00:10:00] because you felt it, you now have a superpower where you can help someone else not feel that way.
You can ask them gentle questions that help guide them, like is there anyone at school or church who might be feeling left out? What's one small thing that you could do to help them feel noticed and included? How would it feel to be the reason that somebody else smiled today or went home not feeling like this?
This doesn't erase what they've gone through, and it shouldn't minimize their feelings, but it gives them agency, it helps build their identity and their compassion and shape their character. It transform, transforms pain into purpose. It grows their empathy, their maturity, and their emotional strength and long term.
It teaches them that even their challenging moments can be used by God to make a difference. Maybe they went through this very thing on purpose. For a purpose. When your child's feeling discouraged or left out, help them slow down and connect with the one who never leaves them out. You could [00:11:00] try praying something like this.
You might wanna write this down. God, thank you for loving me just as I am. Thank you that I never have to earn your love or fight for your attention. Remind me that I'm always seen by you. Help me remember that my worth comes from you, not from anything others say or do. Show me the people that you've placed in my life for friendship and kindness and help me to be a friend who includes others as well.
Amen. Let this be more than just a one time moment. Make it a rhythm in your life where your child learns to bring their hurt, their hopes, their identity, back to God again and again, because the world will tell a different story, but you get to remind them of the truth that lasts forever. The reality is your child will be left out.
Sometimes, even as adults will feel left out. Sometimes we can't control every circumstance. For ourselves or for them. But what we can do is equip them with the truth. That doesn't change even when [00:12:00] their circumstances do that, our identity is tied to Christ, not in who notices us or who doesn't. When they truly know who they are and understand their value, they can walk through these moments with resilience and not have to face that painful rejection.
Even if there's still a sting, even if they wish things were different, they will never fall apart because of these things, because their worth was never up for debate. It was never touchable. They'll know that they are chosen, they're loved, and they belong. Because they belong to Jesus inside the Common Confident Club.
We walk through topics just like this, equipping you to raise emotionally secure faith-filled kids with practical tools, biblical truth, and a supportive community. So if you don't wanna do this alone, you don't wanna figure it all out right now, join [email protected] slash club. And that will also be linked in the description.
Thank you for joining me today on Raising Faithful Families. Please subscribe, leave a [00:13:00] comment. Leave a review. It means so much to me that you help us reach other families. God bless.
