0606 (2)
===
[00:00:00] Hi, friend. Today we're talking about how to raise kids who love the church even though it's imperfect. But first, let me be very clear. If your church is toxic, unbiblical, manipulative, or misaligned with God's word, you are not called to stay out of guilt or out of obligation. If something isn't sitting well in your spirit, trust that if red flags are waving and you feel that God is leading you elsewhere, follow that leading I.
Because your family needs to be rooted in a church that is not only Christ centered, but also safe, healthy, and aligned with the truth of God. So what we're talking about today is not how to put up with spiritual abuse, harmful teachings, or unsafe environments. This episode is for families who do have a good church, one that they feel called to one that aligns with their values, but who are still wrestling with the normal imperfections that come with being part of any community of flawed human [00:01:00] individuals.
So you trust the leadership at your church. You know that God has called your family there still. Sometimes people say things that rub you the wrong way. Sometimes decisions are made that you don't fully agree with. And even when the doctrine is sound and the heart is good, the imperfections are still showing and it can be hard.
You might wonder, how do I help my kids love the church when I am being frustrated by it? Today we're talking about how to build a healthy, Christ-centered love for the church in our kids, even when it's not perfect because the church isn't a perfect place. It's a gathering of imperfect people that are following a perfect savior.
And when we have that perspective, we can teach our kids how to love well, how to lead well, and how to stay grounded in the truth. Welcome back to Raising Faithful Families. I'm your host, Katy Bordeaux. I'm so glad you're tuning in today. This episode has been on my heart because I know firsthand the tension that many Christian parents feel.
We want [00:02:00] our children to love the church. We want them to be a part of a spiritual family. We want them to have roots in a community that lasts for years to come. And we know still church people. Are just people and they're not always easy to love. Maybe you've had a bad experience at church, maybe even turned away from going altogether.
That's fairly common. And while I haven't had any significant church hurt in my testimony, I have felt misaligned at a few and I've had to keep searching for the right fit. Even then, it's not perfect, and there are things that bother me sometimes, the tone in an email from the pastor, the expectations that are clearly personal because they're nowhere in scripture.
The hopefully well-meaning churchgoer that sees you and feels the need to comment on how they haven't seen you in a while. Instead of just saying something like, it's great to see you. I hope you've been doing well. We're talking about those ordinary frustrations, the personality clashes, the [00:03:00] imperfect systems, the occasional offense or irritation that can happen even in a good.
Healthy God-honoring church because they will come and when they do how you respond, it matters. Your attitude teaches your children how to navigate imperfect communities with grace instead of giving up on them altogether. Let's start by reframing what we mean by the church. In scripture, the church isn't a building.
It's not a Sunday schedule. It's the people of God. It's the body of believers, the family of faith unified in Christ. That means church is less about where you go, more about how you live in community. So when we teach our kids to love the church, we're not just teaching them to love a program or a place in a specific building.
We're teaching them to love people. Messy, imperfect people to show grace, to seek unity, to be part of something that's bigger than themselves. Because when we treat church like a consumer experience, what [00:04:00] did I get out of this? We raise kids who walk away when they're dealing with a situation that's no longer entertaining them, or no longer convenient for them.
But when we teach them that they are the church, and the church is a calling, their faith can really take root. So let's talk about what our children see and hear from us if they hear us complaining about the worship team. Criticizing the pastor, dissecting everyone's flaws on the way home. They're gonna notice that they learn that church is something to critique, not to commit to, that people are meant to have their flaws pointed out and criticized that people are there to please you and make you happy.
They might even learn how to be fake if they see you being super nice to people and then talking trash about them on the way home. But if they see you showing up with a heart to serve. If they hear you praying for church leaders instead of gossiping about them, if they watch you extend grace when someone offends [00:05:00] you, that's going to leave a mark too.
Your attitude and gratitude becomes their attitude and gratitude. So the challenge here is not to be fake or ignore any serious issues. It's simply to model humility, grace, and love, which are the very things that Jesus calls his church to be filled with. Let's remember that the church is not a manmade idea.
It's God's. In Hebrews 10, verses 24 to 25, God says, let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Not giving up meeting together, but encouraging one another. God designed us to live in community, to gather, to worship, to encourage, to grow together. And yes, that means we will sometimes clash, disagree, or feel disappointed by one another.
But the solution isn't to isolate. It's to anchor deeper into grace. Some of us have put boundaries in place to protect ourselves, [00:06:00] and then we sit there and we think, wow, I'm healed. I haven't been triggered in a long time. Well, you're not really fully healed if you've not tested that at all. If you're really just hiding from anything that could potentially trigger you.
So make sure that your boundaries are not just hiding you away from the world, even though boundaries are important and helpful. In their own right. So something else that I've learned as a mom and something that God has really pressed on my heart is that we cannot shield our child from every frustration in life, but we can equip them to respond with wisdom.
We can help them build that up over time. So a few practical ways to do that is, let's say number one, talk with them about imperfection without any sign of bitterness. So something like. Sometimes people say things they shouldn't. We're all learning. No, that wasn't right. But I know that God is still working in them just like he is in me.
Let's pray for them. Let's pray [00:07:00] for us as well. Number two, help them process their frustrations without attaching judgment. Give them permission to talk to you about what they're feeling, but then help guide them back to grace and truth. Number three, model reconciliation. If you've been hurt, show them what it looks like to forgive if you've caused hurt.
Show them what it looks like to apologize. That teaches your child that love doesn't mean avoiding conflict. It means learning how to work through it in a healthy way and in moments where the hurt is so significant that you have to place boundaries on the relationship, you can still forgive. We often think about getting our kids to go to church.
Then it's like we forget to help them be the church. So let them serve even in small ways. Help them form friendships with peers who are walking on a similar path. Talk to them about the sermons in simple ways on the way home from church, whether they're old enough to be with you in the regular [00:08:00] service, or whether they're in a kid service.
Have them share with you what they learned and then share with them what you learned. Your biggest takeaway, put it into their language. They often say, if you can't explain it to a five-year-old, you don't truly understand it yourself. So I love challenging myself to simplify lessons in a way that I can explain them to him.
And so many times, some new realization about it comes to mind when you're doing that. Celebrate spiritual growth moments with them, like baptisms, volunteering, learning a new worship song. Let them feel some ownership. Let them feel connected. Let them experience the joy of being part of something bigger because when they love their role in the church, they're far more likely to have their own desire to show up.
The church is not perfect. It's still God's calling. It's his body of people, it's his family. And when we teach our children to love it, not blindly but wisely, we're equipping them [00:09:00] to stay grounded in faith, even when people fail, because people will fail, but Jesus never will. And the church is the bride of Christ.
So let's show our kids what it looks like to walk in that, to stay committed, because we're called to, they're watching their learning, and they're becoming the next generation of leaders, servants, and peacemakers. So let's give them the tools to lead with both conviction and compassion of their own.
Inside the Coleman Confidant Club, we equip parents like you to raise faith-filled, emotionally secure kids. So join us today and get the tools and encouragement and Christ-centered community to walk with you. Covenant collections.com/club and I'll also link that in the description. Thanks for listening.
I'll see you next time. God bless.
